Welcome to the Bitch-tric

There's a new batch of ladies in town and how fiesty are they?!  Already Obama and George W. are the sixth and seventh housewives and it's just the premiere!

We start off meeting Mary Schmidt Amons, granddaughter of famed TV personality Arthur Godfrey.  He was fairly controversial and known to be intimidating and controling of his cast members on his talent show and was rumored to have been jealous of cast members gaining more popularity than he.  Well I hope those attributes stayed in the family!  One of the first sentences out of her month is about how close she is with the Kennedy family.. Ok Mary, we get it.  You live next to Dick Cheney and Colin Powell lives across the street, we're jealous, I'm hooked.  She does seem to have a level head though, with five kids and two charities "Labels for Love" and "District Sample Sale" of which she founds and co-founds, I see her falling into the Lisa of Atlanta supermom role.
I'm thinking of getting a biometric locks on all the doors in my house, that seems very reasonable.  No one does so much as take a shit without my finger print being involved.  Sounds like a plan.  I loved Mary's birthday and the fact that she got wasted on camera, that was very real of her.  She about walked up to capitol hill with her bill to for the intergration of salons.  Stacie's face was priceless and I about choked on my popcorn.  Whatever, Mary, I'm with you girlfriend, once I finish rallying with my gays I'll hop over to the integration of salons march, it's really all about equailty, love is love and hair is hair.


Next up we meet Stacie Scott Turner, right after we meet Mary who says she is a second generation Washingtonian who lives in Virginia, Stacie basically blows that shit out of the water saying you can't be a true Washingtonian and live in the suburbs.  Meow, Stacie, I like you already.  Shes got an MBA from Harvard and is in Real Estate, but not like Gretchen Rossi is in "Real Estate", she's more like Jeana Keough, you know, does work in Real Estate even when she's with a man.  There's a difference, and it's called 25-30 mil a year.  I can tell Stacie runs a tight ship, those kids are in bed by 9 and not a minute later.  She doesn't mess around, especially when it comes to her charity she founded called "Extra-Ordinary Life" where she helps teenage foster girls, living in the D.C. area.
Stacie and Cat, could they be the new Tamara and Gretchen?  The new Bethenny and Jill?  The new Kim and Nene?  The new Danielle and.... everyone?  Too soon to tell but that cooking class was on fuego and I loved every second.  How ballsy is Cat to start bashing Obama like that with a smile on her face-- we'll get to her in a minute.

OH HEY LYNDA, YOU LOOK SURPRISED TO SEE US!  I was wondering when our favorite housewife, Botox, was going to show up.  Thank you, Lynda.  Well Lynda Erkiletian holds nothing back, except her face.  She is the owner of T.H.E. Artist Agency and looks like the type that will tell you to start considering anorexia without batting an eye.  She's got four kids and has had it with husbands and prefers to cuddle up to her 8 foot tall chocolate bar, Ebong. YUM. Cat put it perfectly "twice her size and half her age."  Get it, girl, 50 is the new 30, work it.  She is involved in many charities which means she hasn't founded one...  step it up, Lynda.
Episode one and Lynda is already stirrin the shit.  Callin out Michaele for being too skinny, out of concern, of course.  She apparently has no patience for Michaele but in true housewife form was just so excited to see her surprisingly show up to Mary's birthday party.  Loves it!  Apparently some drama went down at a premiere party at the Beverly Hilton, according to Lynda's blog on bravotv.com Tareq, Michaele's husband, was verbally abusive to a female and Lynda wasn't having it and Tareq threw a glass of red wine at Lynda, once again proving that this drama ain't The Hills, this shit's fo' real.  Sounds like someone wants to be a Real Househusbands of D.C.  Take if from Simon, Tareq, you're better off riding on Michaele's coat tails.  Can't wait to see Lynda do some damage.  Bring it.

Michaele Salahi.. we've been waiting for you since you snuck into the White House party back in November of '09.  When they started saying she was shooting for Real Housewives of D.C., I about peed myself with excitement.  Bravo knows how to pick 'em.  She's married to Tareq who looks like he might be ceritifiable.  They founded America's Polo Cup and Tareq is the team captain.  So Tareq plays polo while Michaele entertains the guests.  She is very.. energetic.. is that what we're calling it?  Yes, she was hopped up on a lot of.. energy.  Watching her talk to guests was a lot like watching Dory from Finding Nemo.. did anyone else feel that way?  When she was talking to Edwina about lobbying be "like, hard."  I realized that her and Lynn would be bestest buddies and they would make pinky packs all day long.  By the way, I loved Edwina's party hat, that elastic band was very flattering.  We also meet Paul Wharton here, and I feel like he's going to be D.C.'s Dwight.
Listen Michaele, when you wear size 16 months, you have to expect people are going to talk.  She's going to be a lot like Danielle, shes already accused Whoopi Goldberg of assault when Whoopi softly nudged Michaele during her guest appearance on The View, asking her to stay on topic.  Michaele's attorney made a statement saying Whoopi verbally berated Michaele behind the scenes at the view, and the next day Michaele sued her own attorney for assualt!  YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!  Episode one and no one likes Michaele, atleast Danielle snuck up on us with her crazy, Michaele and Tareq are bringin the crazy.  Michaele was not present at the housewives premiere and every single housewife said they were happy because they were sick of her, didn't want to deal with her, were exhausted of her, and wanted nothing to do with her.  Good. Ness.

Finally, we have Cat.  Andy confused me on Watch What Happens when he told Rachel Dratch that Cat was from D.C., leading me to believe she the same accent as  Martha Stewart, which is a fake one.  Catherine Ommanney, hails from England and moved to the U.S. to marry her highschool sweetheart with her children.  Her husband is something of a rock star and does photography for the White House, more specifically, the presidential family.. Cat is going to automatically be called a racist for saying what she did about Obama but I don't believe she is, nor do I think she doesn't believe in Obama and his administration.  I think she was saying how she felt, and of course everyone has to lose their shit over it!  She was being overly self-absorbed at the cooking party which made everything slightly awkward and made me love her.  I loved Mary's expressions.. every white person knows that when something is said that can be taken even slightly racist we all look around like "we all understand that I did not say that, correct?  We're good right?"  Cat has a book come out sometime next year called "Inbox Full" about her racy escapades as a single woman.  Ok Cat, we know what you're inbox is full of.

These women are bringing it to the table and I love it.  Can't wait to watch what happens!

Later honeys!
You don't like honey? Is bitch better? Fine.
Later bitches!